I'm a total nerd. I know this, and have in fact embraced this facet of my personality. With regards to this, I am not ashamed to admit that I have been looking forward to the return of American Gladiators. I am a child of the 80s-90s (though I was in high school in the early 90s so I think I'm pushing that statement) so I remember the cheesiness that was the original AG. Muscle-bound men and women (some of the women looking more manly than the men) duking it out with everyday joes off the street for money and fame, well as much fame as you can get from being on AG. It's been advertised for a few months now that the new AG was coming complete with Hulk Hogan as the host. Hulk Hogan! As in Hulkamania! Yeah. Guess I should have known this was doomed from the start.
Anyhoo, it's premiere episode was on last night and of course I watched as I am a television addict. I didn't think that the old AG could be topped in cheesiness with all the steroids and spandex. Boy was I wrong. The new-millenium-version has women that look more like women (less steroids, more silicone) and guys that could give any WWE wrestler a run for their money, but wow, seriously folks? They have a character named Wolf. He looks like he might have mange. He can't shave or get a haircut, but he does shave his chest and underarms. Nice huh? Oh, and howls every time he's on camera. Once, okay; twice, a little annoying. By the fifteenth time, I was done with it. Then they have The Rock's cousin Toa who felt compelled to do a Samoa dance when they showed him on camera, complete with the chanting and stuff. At least I'm assuming it's an actual Samoan dance. Wouldn't know, it wasn't in English and looked a bit wrong on a guy in a spandex skirt. Yep, spandex skirt. Yikes. I won't get into the scariness that was the women. They're definitely built, and definitely could kick my ass all over town and back, but I have to say that I was just waiting for a wardrobe malfunction to happen. Either on the men or women's side, seriously. A lot less spandex is worn in this new version. I'm pretty sure they must have their own full-time waxer going on. Back to my point. Okay, so this is a slightly updated version of the old classic with the cheese factor bumped up to about 500%. Even the referee is way too cheesy. So, unless the show changes for the better, I'll have to settle for old AG reruns on ESPN Classic.
C'mon, where's Mike Adamle and Larry Csonka at life.sa.laugh@hotmail.com.
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